MY BREASTFEEDING JOURNEY

Hello all,

Today I would like to share with you my personal journey into exclusively and fully breastfeeding my second born Rayyan.

As most of you know, I'm of a skinny frame and underweight to begin with. With my first born Mirza, I only managed to breastfeed him for just one and a half month, and I gave him formula milk in between. I admit that I was not fully educated on breastfeeding when I had my first child. All I knew is that when baby is born, nurse him. But mirza was a very hungry baby to begin with. He would be feeding at almost every hour and with me not knowing the concept of supply & demand, gave him formula milk in between to cover up my milk producing time. I felt really down because I could not produce more breastmilk for mirza. So in the long run, he preferred formula and eventually my milk dried up within 2 months. But alhamdulillah, Mirza still grew up to be a healthy boy, despite him growing up with formula milk. Dia pun agak jarang deman-deman. And I have to thank Allah SWT for that.

With my second born now, alhamdulillah with the grace of Allah SWT, I managed (and still am) exclusively breastfeeding him until now. To my calculation, it has already been 10 weeks since birthing Rayyan, that I'm exclusively breastfeeding. No formula top-ups at all. Before he was born, I educated myself a lot on breastfeeding and how to manage. I had the support of one very good friend (you know who you are) that educated and told me a lot on breastfeeding. I took solace in her because she fully breastfeed her baby with only one, just ONE side of her breast as she had inverted nipple on her other breast and could not feed her baby with that one. And her baby now is is sangat, sangat sihat compared to babies fed with formula milk at the baby's age! If you see the baby for yourself, you would never beleive that he is a fully breastfed baby. He will be turning 1 year old soon and yes, she is still breastfeeding with with one breast :) and yes, I'm still at awe with his mother's determination.

But lemme tell you, it was not a walk in the park for me, to exclusively breastfeed my baby. Feeding at every hour to stimulate milk production, not having enough sleep (sampai sekarang pun tak cukup tido), baby feeds for a very long time sometimes almost an hour sampai i dont have time for myself nak mandi, nak makan, ect. It was not easy. When I'm alone in the room with the baby, I cry myself out because i'm just too, too tired. All I do is nurse the baby day in and day out. The only way for me to vent out is I cry, alone. But since I'm not working and is a full-time housewife, than that's the only right thing to do, to fully breastfeed my baby. I dont even have expressed milk stocks, like how most breastfeeding mothers have. To me, the milk that I produce is just enough for my baby. And because I'm feeding my baby on-demand, I also dont have a specific schedule on when he wants his milk. I read somewhere that if you start looking at time to schedule feeds, you will get stressed up and yes, it is true for me so I stopped looking at the time and nurse the baby when he wants. I also noticed baby is less cranky when I feed him on-demand. Now, I dont have engorged breasts but my breast does feel 'big'. I sometimes do wonder if i dont have engorged breast, does it mean my milk supply is running low? but Rayyan is growing well, he is putting on weight and on my last visit to his pead, the pead was even surprised that he is growing well. I have known the pead since I had Mirza. She told me alhamdulillah that means I have enough milk for him to be growing just nice. She told me to keep on continuing, sampai rase dah kering and dah habis. It is support like this that keeps me going on in my journey. Most importantly, always tell yourself that you have enough milk because the mother's body is engineered to produce just the right amount for the baby. Itu lah kuasa Allah SWT. And jangan bezakan antara one breastfeeding mom who can produce a lot, to myself. One breastfeeding mom, each to it's own. Tak semestinye with big breasts, you can produce a lot of milk. Sometimes preople's perception macam tu. Kalau big breasts, maksudnye banyak susu. Kalau small breasts, tak cukup susu. Habis kalau zaman dulu2, when milk formula tak exist lagi, orang2 kurus yang macam saya ni, macam mana breastfeed? Again, its back to the demand & supply. I know I'm skinny, i dont even have enough fats on my body myself, let alone exclusively breastfeeding my baby. Banyak orang tak percaya that I'm still exclusively breastfeeding so datang la negative comments such as tak cukup susu la, tu la, ni la. It makes me sad. So what do I do? Kene la usaha. I eat more, I drink more dengan niat yang betul. Paling penting doa pada Allah and have postive thinking. Because if you have negative thinking, it sends a signal to your brain, and the brain will send a signal to your hormones and will slowly stop the milk production.

InsyAallah, I will try and exclusively breastfeed my baby til' the 6 month mark. Tapi kalau other circumstances does'nt allow me to exclusively breastfeed my baby, and if i dont do anything, it will harm the baby, then maybe i will top-up with formula milk or start his solids on early. But i will still try to breastfeed him at the same time. It's all in the choices we make and it does'nt make you a bad mother if you choose to feed your baby with formula milk or start his solids early. Know your own body. I know my body. I'm skinny and I'm the type yang sangat, sangat susah nak naik berat badan because I have very high metabolism rate. So whatever I eat, burns out really fast. So for me to produce milk, I need to eat and drink. I have to eat and drink. So pada bulan Ramadhan yang mulia ni, I chose not to fast because I want to nurse my baby. Islam itu indah. Ia tidak menyusahkan umatnya especially for pregnant/breastfeeding mothers. I will gantikan my puasa next year insyaAllah and bayar fidyah sekali. My niat is to breastfeed my baby. Paling penting niat. Bukan sengaja nak ponteng. Whatever it is, hanya Allah sahaja tahu my niat and ape2 pun, it will be between me and Allah SWT. My baby is still small, only two and a half months and his only source of food is me.

I did'nt manage to breastfeed Mirza when he was a baby, but he still grew up well. I will try and fully breastfeed Rayyan insyaAllah dengan izin Allah, for 6 months. Apa2 pun, i can only plan but Allah tentukan semua. I hope rezeki Rayyan nak susu badan ni akan ada, dengan izin Nya insyaAllah.

So mothers with skinny frame just like me, tell yourself that YOU CAN.